Pau
Certified IFS Practitioner & Coach
English · Polish (if you ask nicely)
Relating, ethical non-monogamy and sexuality are among Pau's core interests. Trainings include IFS with couples (IFIO) and Self-led sexuality with Patricia Rich.
Relationships · ethical non-monogamy · online
IFS for relationships, including non-monogamous ones
Jealousy, agreements, new relationship energy, the partner who wants to open up and the one who isn't sure. Parts have strong opinions about all of it, and they rarely agree with each other. We work with all of them, without deciding in advance which structure is right for you.
English · Italian · Polish (if you ask nicely)
First session 95 EUR, then 150 EUR an hour. By video.
Who it's for
What people bring
Our opinion, stated as one: non-monogamy isn't more evolved than monogamy, or less. What we care about is whether your arrangement is one your whole system can live with — including the parts that didn't get a vote.
- Jealousy that won't be reasoned with. You agreed to this, you believe in it, and a part of you is still screaming.
- Opening a relationship, or being asked to, and feeling pulled both ways.
- Agreements that keep breaking, because the part that signed up isn't the part that shows up.
- Commitment and freedom, when you want both and your parts have picked sides.
- Sexuality and desire — what you want, what you're allowed to want, and who decided.
How it works
Why IFS fits this so well
"Part of me wants this and part of me is terrified" is exactly the sentence the model was built for. Here's roughly how it goes.
- 01
Separate the voices
The part that wants freedom, the part that wants safety, the part that's keeping score. Named one at a time instead of arguing all at once.
- 02
Find what each one protects
Jealousy is often guarding something older and more tender than the current situation. It gets listened to, not argued down.
- 03
Work out what the system can actually hold
Not what you think you should be able to hold. That's where agreements that last come from.
- 04
Take it back into the relationship
What to say, and how to say it so a partner can hear it. If your partners want to come too, see IFS for couples.
Who you'd work with
Both of us, and both from experience
Relating and non-monogamy are core interests for both of us. You won't have to explain what a metamour is.
Alex
Level 2-trained IFS practitioner, coach & facilitator
English · Italiano
15+ years of facilitating relating and intimacy workshops, and a particular interest in the edge between commitment and freedom. IFS training came through IFIO, the relational branch of the model.
What it costs
First session — 95 EUR
The same full session as any other, with either of us.
Single session — 150 EUR
185 EUR for 75 minutes
No commitment beyond the hour.
Packs and couples sessions
Packs are on the sessions page. Sessions for two (or more) are on IFS for couples.
What this isn't
- Not a way to talk you into, or out of, any structure. If you want someone to tell you which one is right, that won't be us.
- Neither of us is a licensed psychotherapist. If you're in acute crisis, please go to your local emergency service first, or find a crisis line near you.
- If you're afraid of a partner, that comes before anything about structure. Please reach out to someone locally who can help with safety.
Questions about IFS and non-monogamy
- Do I have to be non-monogamous to book?
No. Monogamous people have jealousy, desire and commitment questions too, and some are working out whether monogamy is really what they want.
- Can I come on my own if my partner isn't interested?
Yes. Most of this work is individual. Your parts are the ones you can work with.
- Can our whole polycule come?
Two people is the format we know best; for more, write to us and we'll talk about what would work.
- Isn't jealousy just something to get over?
In our experience, parts that are pushed to "get over it" get louder. Jealousy usually calms down once whatever it's protecting has been met.
Read more
Start with one session
Bring whatever's going on, however complicated. If you're not sure which of us to book, write to us.