Polarization

Two parts escalate in opposite directions, both trying to protect the system.

Description

Managers and firefighters can lock into a tug-of-war (control versus rebel). Self mediates, names what each side is actually afraid of, and helps them find roles that aren’t aimed at each other.

Worth noticing: both sides are usually right about something, and both are protecting the same system. A stalemate is not evidence that one of them is the villain — which is roughly what the entire “inner saboteur” genre would have you believe. We went off about that at some length.

What Polarization is NOT:

Not healthy debate, and not weighing up your options. The tell is that nothing moves and the volume goes up.

Examples:

Workaholic versus “screw it” procrastinator.
People-pleaser versus ice-cold withdrawer.
The part that signed you up for the 6am class versus the part that owns the snooze button.

see also:

Blending & Unblending; Self-Leadership; Negotiation; Consent; Exiles